I helped Olivia peel an entire bag of potatoes, then I helped snap the ends off the green beans. Olivia helped make the stuffing, and watched as my mother checked the temperature of the turkey and make the gravy. She kept an awkward distance, not willing to touch the dead bird or any of its parts, which seemed endearing to me.
When Olivia and my mom settled down to figure out a new recipe for cranberry sauce, I decided to make my exit. I grabbed a can of coke and went down to my room to retrieve one of the Tylenols the doctor had given me. My face was still killing me and now that the stitches had ripped open on my hand, my hand was starting to ache.
I went back upstairs, finding my brothers and my dad watching an action movie. I decided that was the last place I wanted to be. I walked through the living room and into the dining room. I stood in the empty dining room, wondering if it was at all possible for me to break into the liquor cabinet. I was going over the pros and cons of my devious master plan, when I noticed movement outside.
I crossed the dining room and stood in the huge bay window, watching Jessica and Avery toddle around outside in their snow suits. Jessica was pushing a snowball around the front yard, gathering up snow. Avery was doing the same with a sizably smaller ball.
They were building a snowman for the front yard. Both girls were incredibly focused on their task. I almost wanted to go out and help them.
I watched them silently for several moments, folding my arms across my chest.
I felt a soft, cool hand on my arm.
I turned toward Olivia, smiling. “Hi.” I said.
“Hi.” She smiled sweetly. “Are you okay?” She asked softly.
“Yeah.” I replied with a casual shrug. “Why?”
Olivia smiled. “No reason. Just that you seem kind of quiet.” She moved beneath my arm and wrapped her arms around my body. She laid her head against my chest and sighed contentedly.
I smiled down at her, wrapping my arms around her.
We stood in silence for a moment. “It’s such a beautiful day.” She mused.
“Yeah, it seems fitting as it is Christmas.” I smiled down at her.
Olivia drew in a deep breath. “Are you really okay with all of this?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I just hate Christmas. It makes the urge to drink stronger, and sometimes I think I can’t be strong enough to keep myself out of temptation.”
Olivia pursed her lips. “Is there anything I can do?”
I shook my head. “I’ll be alright. I swear.”
Olivia smiled lightly. “I know you will. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. I know you can do it.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know about that.” I mused.
Olivia laughed softly. “You know what I mean.” She pushed herself up onto her toes and lightly kissed me.
I smiled down at her, resting my forehead against hers. I closed my eyes tightly and sighed.
I could feel Olivia watching me carefully, scrutinizing my behavior.
“Isaac.” She said softly.
“Yeah. Sorry.” I mused, lifting my head and turning my attention out the window.
Olivia frowned. ‘Isaac, lets go downstairs for a bit, okay?” She offered. “We can talk.”
I nodded. I knew I didn’t really need to talk, but I was kind of glad to spend some time alone with Olivia.
She slipped her hand into mine and led me downstairs.
I felt like a kid being towed off to be given shit for something.
I sat beside her on my bed, glad that none of my siblings or my parents had noticed that we’d snuck downstairs.
I sighed and laid down on my bed, resting my head against the pillows.
Olivia smiled lightly, curling up at my side. She rested her head on my chest.
I moved my arm around her.
I half expected the both of us to fall asleep, but instead Olivia turned and rested her chin on my chest.
She moistened her lips. “You know, your mom is worried about you. She asked me if you were okay.”
I sighed softly, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I know.”
“I told her you were fine. I think she believes you. But she worries about you a lot.”
I sighed. “Liv, I think you’re the only person on my side in this entire house. You’re the only person who actually gets me.”
Olivia smiled lightly. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I answered.
The doorbell rang and I sighed heavily. “That sounds like family coming in.”
Olivia laughed sweetly. “Don’t get too excited.”
“I’m not.” I shrugged lightly.
“Is it going to be the same people as last night?”
I nodded. “I don’t think there will be as many people, but a lot of it will be the same people who were here last night.” I answered, lightly rubbing her back. “Maybe we should hide down here. I’ll move the dresser in front of the door and they’ll never find us.”
Olivia laughed softly. “I’m sure that wouldn’t last long.” She insisted.
“No, I think you’re right about that.” I mused.
Olivia sat up suddenly and sighed, staring down at me. “Do you miss it?” She asked suddenly.
“Miss what?” I asked, tucking one arm behind my head.
Olivia picked up my other hand, playing with my fingers lightly. “The way things were before you started at PCA and stuff. You know… your old life. Your old friends and your old ways… do you miss partying and being with the people you used to hang out with?”
I drew in a deep breath. “No. But I don’t think I regret the things I’ve done. Because if I regretted all the horrible things I’ve done and the damage I’ve caused… I would have never met you. Granted, I did a lot of horrible things. And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for what happened to Jessica because of me, but I think that out of all of that bad stuff and all the shitty things I’ve done… well, there’s been one good thing. And that’s meeting you.”
Olivia smiled. “Aww, that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.” She smiled.
I chuckled. “It ‘s kind of a backward compliment, isn’t it?”
“But still, it’s very, very sweet.” She smiled.
I paused, drawing in a deep breath. “The thing is, I was a different person back then. When I was on drugs I was constantly either up or down, and I was paranoid and constantly searching for that next fix. The next big high that was going to let me do whatever I wanted. I’d sell drugs, I’d sell my soul just for a hit of something. And it didn’t matter what it was.” I mused.
Olivia pursed her lips. “You drank a lot?”
I nodded.
“And you did drugs. Hard drugs?”
I nodded again. “Pot at first, but I graduated to snorting coke too. I’ve smoked meth before, but it made me freak out. Same with mushrooms. Don’t ever do mushrooms.” I warned.
Olivia smiled wryly. “I don’t plan on it.”
I chuckled softly. “The guy we met before, Jimmy. He’s the one who got me into most of the heavier stuff. That guy will do anything. He’ll drink bleach if he thinks it’ll get him drunk or stoned.”
Olivia frowned.
“But you’re right when you say that the person I was back then. I didn’t know who I was. I’m much more comfortable with who I am now. I feel like me again. And it’s really nice to not be depending on drugs or alcohol for a good time. I have you for that.” I smiled.
Olivia returned my smile.
I frowned suddenly. “Why are you asking these questions?”
Olivia shrugged. “No reason. I was just curious. I care about you a lot, I’d like to know everything about you, you know? Even the not so nice things… I think it helps me understand who you are as a person. Besides, as a person who has lived a very sheltered and probably far too privileged life, it’s different to hear about a culture and a way of life that has been different than what I’m accustomed to, you know?”
I nodded. “It’s not because you’re worried I’ll relapse and start partying again?”
Olivia nodded. “I trust you.”
I was about to say that she probably shouldn’t trust me because some days I could hardly trust myself.
“Well, you really have nothing to worry about. I think with what happened with Jessica, I’ve definitely learned my lesson. After that it was rehab, which was unbearable. I spent the first week detoxing and feeling like I was on fire and burning from the inside out. Coming off of drugs is like having the worst flu on the planet times ten. I mean your whole body screams in pain, you hallucinate, and the doctors and nurses won’t give you anything for the pain or even put you out for most of it because they’re weaning you off drugs…” I sighed. “It was hell. Prison was actually easier.”
Olivia pursed her lips. “What was prison like? I mean, is it like the movies?”
“Yeah. But it’s a lot… more dangerous. I mean, you don’t even look at anyone else. There are corrections officers everywhere, and some times they’re more malicious than the other inmates.”
Olivia smiled suddenly. “I think we might need a distraction.”
“A distraction?” I smirked. “Like what?”
She leaned toward me and kissed me slowly. I sat up just enough to return her kisses. She swung one leg over and straddled my hips. I moved my hands up her hips and under her shirt. I quickly found her bra and unhooked it.
She broke the kisses. “Isaac!” She scolded.
“What? Can’t blame a guy for trying, right?”
She shook her head. “If we get caught, I’m blaming it all on you.” She warned.
I helped Olivia peel an entire bag of potatoes, then I helped snap the ends off the green beans. Olivia helped make the stuffing, and watched as my mother checked the temperature of the turkey and make the gravy. She kept an awkward distance, not willing to touch the dead bird or any of its parts, which seemed endearing to me.
When Olivia and my mom settled down to figure out a new recipe for cranberry sauce, I decided to make my exit. I grabbed a can of coke and went down to my room to retrieve one of the Tylenols the doctor had given me. My face was still killing me and now that the stitches had ripped open on my hand, my hand was starting to ache.
I went back upstairs, finding my brothers and my dad watching an action movie. I decided that was the last place I wanted to be. I walked through the living room and into the dining room. I stood in the empty dining room, wondering if it was at all possible for me to break into the liquor cabinet. I was going over the pros and cons of my devious master plan, when I noticed movement outside.
I crossed the dining room and stood in the huge bay window, watching Jessica and Avery toddle around outside in their snow suits. Jessica was pushing a snowball around the front yard, gathering up snow. Avery was doing the same with a sizably smaller ball.
They were building a snowman for the front yard. Both girls were incredibly focused on their task. I almost wanted to go out and help them.
I watched them silently for several moments, folding my arms across my chest.
I felt a soft, cool hand on my arm.
I turned toward Olivia, smiling. “Hi.” I said.
“Hi.” She smiled sweetly. “Are you okay?” She asked softly.
“Yeah.” I replied with a casual shrug. “Why?”
Olivia smiled. “No reason. Just that you seem kind of quiet.” She moved beneath my arm and wrapped her arms around my body. She laid her head against my chest and sighed contentedly.
I smiled down at her, wrapping my arms around her.
We stood in silence for a moment. “It’s such a beautiful day.” She mused.
“Yeah, it seems fitting as it is Christmas.” I smiled down at her.
Olivia drew in a deep breath. “Are you really okay with all of this?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I just hate Christmas. It makes the urge to drink stronger, and sometimes I think I can’t be strong enough to keep myself out of temptation.”
Olivia pursed her lips. “Is there anything I can do?”
I shook my head. “I’ll be alright. I swear.”
Olivia smiled lightly. “I know you will. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. I know you can do it.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know about that.” I mused.
Olivia laughed softly. “You know what I mean.” She pushed herself up onto her toes and lightly kissed me.
I smiled down at her, resting my forehead against hers. I closed my eyes tightly and sighed.
I could feel Olivia watching me carefully, scrutinizing my behavior.
“Isaac.” She said softly.
“Yeah. Sorry.” I mused, lifting my head and turning my attention out the window.
Olivia frowned. ‘Isaac, lets go downstairs for a bit, okay?” She offered. “We can talk.”
I nodded. I knew I didn’t really need to talk, but I was kind of glad to spend some time alone with Olivia.
She slipped her hand into mine and led me downstairs.
I felt like a kid being towed off to be given shit for something.
I sat beside her on my bed, glad that none of my siblings or my parents had noticed that we’d snuck downstairs.
I sighed and laid down on my bed, resting my head against the pillows.
Olivia smiled lightly, curling up at my side. She rested her head on my chest.
I moved my arm around her.
I half expected the both of us to fall asleep, but instead Olivia turned and rested her chin on my chest.
She moistened her lips. “You know, your mom is worried about you. She asked me if you were okay.”
I sighed softly, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I know.”
“I told her you were fine. I think she believes you. But she worries about you a lot.”
I sighed. “Liv, I think you’re the only person on my side in this entire house. You’re the only person who actually gets me.”
Olivia smiled lightly. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I answered.
The doorbell rang and I sighed heavily. “That sounds like family coming in.”
Olivia laughed sweetly. “Don’t get too excited.”
“I’m not.” I shrugged lightly.
“Is it going to be the same people as last night?”
I nodded. “I don’t think there will be as many people, but a lot of it will be the same people who were here last night.” I answered, lightly rubbing her back. “Maybe we should hide down here. I’ll move the dresser in front of the door and they’ll never find us.”
Olivia laughed softly. “I’m sure that wouldn’t last long.” She insisted.
“No, I think you’re right about that.” I mused.
Olivia sat up suddenly and sighed, staring down at me. “Do you miss it?” She asked suddenly.
“Miss what?” I asked, tucking one arm behind my head.
Olivia picked up my other hand, playing with my fingers lightly. “The way things were before you started at PCA and stuff. You know… your old life. Your old friends and your old ways… do you miss partying and being with the people you used to hang out with?”
I drew in a deep breath. “No. But I don’t think I regret the things I’ve done. Because if I regretted all the horrible things I’ve done and the damage I’ve caused… I would have never met you. Granted, I did a lot of horrible things. And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for what happened to Jessica because of me, but I think that out of all of that bad stuff and all the shitty things I’ve done… well, there’s been one good thing. And that’s meeting you.”
Olivia smiled. “Aww, that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.” She smiled.
I chuckled. “It ‘s kind of a backward compliment, isn’t it?”
“But still, it’s very, very sweet.” She smiled.
I paused, drawing in a deep breath. “The thing is, I was a different person back then. When I was on drugs I was constantly either up or down, and I was paranoid and constantly searching for that next fix. The next big high that was going to let me do whatever I wanted. I’d sell drugs, I’d sell my soul just for a hit of something. And it didn’t matter what it was.” I mused.
Olivia pursed her lips. “You drank a lot?”
I nodded.
“And you did drugs. Hard drugs?”
I nodded again. “Pot at first, but I graduated to snorting coke too. I’ve smoked meth before, but it made me freak out. Same with mushrooms. Don’t ever do mushrooms.” I warned.
Olivia smiled wryly. “I don’t plan on it.”
I chuckled softly. “The guy we met before, Jimmy. He’s the one who got me into most of the heavier stuff. That guy will do anything. He’ll drink bleach if he thinks it’ll get him drunk or stoned.”
Olivia frowned.
“But you’re right when you say that the person I was back then. I didn’t know who I was. I’m much more comfortable with who I am now. I feel like me again. And it’s really nice to not be depending on drugs or alcohol for a good time. I have you for that.” I smiled.
Olivia returned my smile.
I frowned suddenly. “Why are you asking these questions?”
Olivia shrugged. “No reason. I was just curious. I care about you a lot, I’d like to know everything about you, you know? Even the not so nice things… I think it helps me understand who you are as a person. Besides, as a person who has lived a very sheltered and probably far too privileged life, it’s different to hear about a culture and a way of life that has been different than what I’m accustomed to, you know?”
I nodded. “It’s not because you’re worried I’ll relapse and start partying again?”
Olivia nodded. “I trust you.”
I was about to say that she probably shouldn’t trust me because some days I could hardly trust myself.
“Well, you really have nothing to worry about. I think with what happened with Jessica, I’ve definitely learned my lesson. After that it was rehab, which was unbearable. I spent the first week detoxing and feeling like I was on fire and burning from the inside out. Coming off of drugs is like having the worst flu on the planet times ten. I mean your whole body screams in pain, you hallucinate, and the doctors and nurses won’t give you anything for the pain or even put you out for most of it because they’re weaning you off drugs…” I sighed. “It was hell. Prison was actually easier.”
Olivia pursed her lips. “What was prison like? I mean, is it like the movies?”
“Yeah. But it’s a lot… more dangerous. I mean, you don’t even look at anyone else. There are corrections officers everywhere, and some times they’re more malicious than the other inmates.”
Olivia smiled suddenly. “I think we might need a distraction.”
“A distraction?” I smirked. “Like what?”
She leaned toward me and kissed me slowly. I sat up just enough to return her kisses. She swung one leg over and straddled my hips. I moved my hands up her hips and under her shirt. I quickly found her bra and unhooked it.
She broke the kisses. “Isaac!” She scolded.
“What? Can’t blame a guy for trying, right?”
She shook her head. “If we get caught, I’m blaming it all on you.” She warned.
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