I helped Olivia peel an entire bag of potatoes, then I helped snap the ends off the green beans. Olivia helped make the stuffing, and watched as my mother checked the temperature of the turkey and make the gravy. She kept an awkward distance, not willing to touch the dead bird or any of its parts, which seemed endearing to me.<\/p>\n
When Olivia and my mom settled down to figure out a new recipe for cranberry sauce, I decided to make my exit. I grabbed a can of coke and went down to my room to retrieve one of the Tylenols the doctor had given me. My face was still killing me and now that the stitches had ripped open on my hand, my hand was starting to ache.<\/p>\n
I went back upstairs, finding my brothers and my dad watching an action movie. I decided that was the last place I wanted to be. I walked through the living room and into the dining room. I stood in the empty dining room, wondering if it was at all possible for me to break into the liquor cabinet. I was going over the pros and cons of my devious master plan, when I noticed movement outside.<\/p>\n
I crossed the dining room and stood in the huge bay window, watching Jessica and Avery toddle around outside in their snow suits. Jessica was pushing a snowball around the front yard, gathering up snow. Avery was doing the same with a sizably smaller ball.<\/p>\n
They were building a snowman for the front yard. Both girls were incredibly focused on their task. I almost wanted to go out and help them.<\/p>\n
I watched them silently for several moments, folding my arms across my chest.<\/p>\n
I felt a soft, cool hand on my arm.<\/p>\n
I turned toward Olivia, smiling. \u201cHi.\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHi.\u201d She smiled sweetly. \u201cAre you okay?\u201d She asked softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d I replied with a casual shrug. \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled. \u201cNo reason. Just that you seem kind of quiet.\u201d She moved beneath my arm and wrapped her arms around my body. She laid her head against my chest and sighed contentedly.<\/p>\n
I smiled down at her, wrapping my arms around her.<\/p>\n
We stood in silence for a moment. \u201cIt\u2019s such a beautiful day.\u201d She mused.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, it seems fitting as it is Christmas.\u201d I smiled down at her.<\/p>\n
Olivia drew in a deep breath. \u201cAre you really okay with all of this?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded. \u201cYeah. I just hate Christmas. It makes the urge to drink stronger, and sometimes I think I can\u2019t be strong enough to keep myself out of temptation.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia pursed her lips. \u201cIs there anything I can do?\u201d<\/p>\n
I shook my head. \u201cI\u2019ll be alright. I swear.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled lightly. \u201cI know you will. You\u2019re the strongest person I\u2019ve ever met. I know you can do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I shrugged. \u201cI don\u2019t know about that.\u201d I mused.<\/p>\n
Olivia laughed softly. \u201cYou know what I mean.\u201d She pushed herself up onto her toes and lightly kissed me.<\/p>\n
I smiled down at her, resting my forehead against hers. I closed my eyes tightly and sighed.<\/p>\n
I could feel Olivia watching me carefully, scrutinizing my behavior.<\/p>\n
\u201cIsaac.\u201d She said softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. Sorry.\u201d I mused, lifting my head and turning my attention out the window.<\/p>\n
Olivia frowned. \u2018Isaac, lets go downstairs for a bit, okay?\u201d She offered. \u201cWe can talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded. I knew I didn\u2019t really need to talk, but I was kind of glad to spend some time alone with Olivia.<\/p>\n
She slipped her hand into mine and led me downstairs.<\/p>\n
I felt like a kid being towed off to be given shit for something.<\/p>\n
I sat beside her on my bed, glad that none of my siblings or my parents had noticed that we\u2019d snuck downstairs.<\/p>\n
I sighed and laid down on my bed, resting my head against the pillows.<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled lightly, curling up at my side. She rested her head on my chest.<\/p>\n
I moved my arm around her.<\/p>\n
I half expected the both of us to fall asleep, but instead Olivia turned and rested her chin on my chest.<\/p>\n
She moistened her lips. \u201cYou know, your mom is worried about you. She asked me if you were okay.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sighed softly, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her you were fine. I think she believes you. But she worries about you a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sighed. \u201cLiv, I think you\u2019re the only person on my side in this entire house. You\u2019re the only person who actually gets me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled lightly. \u201cI love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you too.\u201d I answered.<\/p>\n
The doorbell rang and I sighed heavily. \u201cThat sounds like family coming in.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia laughed sweetly. \u201cDon\u2019t get too excited.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not.\u201d I shrugged lightly.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it going to be the same people as last night?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded. \u201cI don\u2019t think there will be as many people, but a lot of it will be the same people who were here last night.\u201d I answered, lightly rubbing her back. \u201cMaybe we should hide down here. I\u2019ll move the dresser in front of the door and they\u2019ll never find us.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia laughed softly. \u201cI\u2019m sure that wouldn\u2019t last long.\u201d She insisted.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I think you\u2019re right about that.\u201d I mused.<\/p>\n
Olivia sat up suddenly and sighed, staring down at me. \u201cDo you miss it?\u201d She asked suddenly.<\/p>\n
\u201cMiss what?\u201d I asked, tucking one arm behind my head.<\/p>\n
Olivia picked up my other hand, playing with my fingers lightly. \u201cThe way things were before you started at PCA and stuff. You know\u2026 your old life. Your old friends and your old ways\u2026 do you miss partying and being with the people you used to hang out with?\u201d<\/p>\n
I drew in a deep breath. \u201cNo. But I don\u2019t think I regret the things I\u2019ve done. Because if I regretted all the horrible things I\u2019ve done and the damage I\u2019ve caused\u2026 I would have never met you. Granted, I did a lot of horrible things. And I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll ever forgive myself for what happened to Jessica because of me, but I think that out of all of that bad stuff and all the shitty things I\u2019ve done\u2026 well, there\u2019s been one good thing. And that\u2019s meeting you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled. \u201cAww, that\u2019s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.\u201d She smiled.<\/p>\n
I chuckled. \u201cIt \u2018s kind of a backward compliment, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut still, it\u2019s very, very sweet.\u201d She smiled.<\/p>\n
I paused, drawing in a deep breath. \u201cThe thing is, I was a different person back then. When I was on drugs I was constantly either up or down, and I was paranoid and constantly searching for that next fix. The next big high that was going to let me do whatever I wanted. I\u2019d sell drugs, I\u2019d sell my soul just for a hit of something. And it didn\u2019t matter what it was.\u201d I mused.<\/p>\n
Olivia pursed her lips. \u201cYou drank a lot?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you did drugs. Hard drugs?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded again. \u201cPot at first, but I graduated to snorting coke too. I\u2019ve smoked meth before, but it made me freak out. Same with mushrooms. Don\u2019t ever do mushrooms.\u201d I warned.<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled wryly. \u201cI don\u2019t plan on it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I chuckled softly. \u201cThe guy we met before, Jimmy. He\u2019s the one who got me into most of the heavier stuff. That guy will do anything. He\u2019ll drink bleach if he thinks it\u2019ll get him drunk or stoned.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you\u2019re right when you say that the person I was back then. I didn\u2019t know who I was. I\u2019m much more comfortable with who I am now. I feel like me again. And it\u2019s really nice to not be depending on drugs or alcohol for a good time. I have you for that.\u201d I smiled.<\/p>\n
Olivia returned my smile.<\/p>\n
I frowned suddenly. \u201cWhy are you asking these questions?\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia shrugged. \u201cNo reason. I was just curious. I care about you a lot, I\u2019d like to know everything about you, you know? Even the not so nice things\u2026 I think it helps me understand who you are as a person. Besides, as a person who has lived a very sheltered and probably far too privileged life, it\u2019s different to hear about a culture and a way of life that has been different than what I\u2019m accustomed to, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded. \u201cIt\u2019s not because you\u2019re worried I\u2019ll relapse and start partying again?\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia nodded. \u201cI trust you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was about to say that she probably shouldn\u2019t trust me because some days I could hardly trust myself.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, you really have nothing to worry about. I think with what happened with Jessica, I\u2019ve definitely learned my lesson. After that it was rehab, which was unbearable. I spent the first week detoxing and feeling like I was on fire and burning from the inside out. Coming off of drugs is like having the worst flu on the planet times ten. I mean your whole body screams in pain, you hallucinate, and the doctors and nurses won\u2019t give you anything for the pain or even put you out for most of it because they\u2019re weaning you off drugs\u2026\u201d I sighed. \u201cIt was hell. Prison was actually easier.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia pursed her lips. \u201cWhat was prison like? I mean, is it like the movies?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. But it\u2019s a lot\u2026 more dangerous. I mean, you don\u2019t even look at anyone else. There are corrections officers everywhere, and some times they\u2019re more malicious than the other inmates.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled suddenly. \u201cI think we might need a distraction.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA distraction?\u201d I smirked. \u201cLike what?\u201d<\/p>\n
She leaned toward me and kissed me slowly. I sat up just enough to return her kisses. She swung one leg over and straddled my hips. I moved my hands up her hips and under her shirt. I quickly found her bra and unhooked it.<\/p>\n
She broke the kisses. \u201cIsaac!\u201d She scolded.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? Can\u2019t blame a guy for trying, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
She shook her head. \u201cIf we get caught, I\u2019m blaming it all on you.\u201d She warned.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I helped Olivia peel an entire bag of potatoes, then I helped snap the ends off the green beans. Olivia helped make the stuffing, and watched as my mother checked the temperature of the turkey and make the gravy. She kept an awkward distance, not willing to touch the dead bird or any of its parts, which seemed endearing to me.<\/p>\n
When Olivia and my mom settled down to figure out a new recipe for cranberry sauce, I decided to make my exit. I grabbed a can of coke and went down to my room to retrieve one of the Tylenols the doctor had given me. My face was still killing me and now that the stitches had ripped open on my hand, my hand was starting to ache.<\/p>\n
I went back upstairs, finding my brothers and my dad watching an action movie. I decided that was the last place I wanted to be. I walked through the living room and into the dining room. I stood in the empty dining room, wondering if it was at all possible for me to break into the liquor cabinet. I was going over the pros and cons of my devious master plan, when I noticed movement outside.<\/p>\n
I crossed the dining room and stood in the huge bay window, watching Jessica and Avery toddle around outside in their snow suits. Jessica was pushing a snowball around the front yard, gathering up snow. Avery was doing the same with a sizably smaller ball.<\/p>\n
They were building a snowman for the front yard. Both girls were incredibly focused on their task. I almost wanted to go out and help them.<\/p>\n
I watched them silently for several moments, folding my arms across my chest.<\/p>\n
I felt a soft, cool hand on my arm.<\/p>\n
I turned toward Olivia, smiling. \u201cHi.\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHi.\u201d She smiled sweetly. \u201cAre you okay?\u201d She asked softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d I replied with a casual shrug. \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled. \u201cNo reason. Just that you seem kind of quiet.\u201d She moved beneath my arm and wrapped her arms around my body. She laid her head against my chest and sighed contentedly.<\/p>\n
I smiled down at her, wrapping my arms around her.<\/p>\n
We stood in silence for a moment. \u201cIt\u2019s such a beautiful day.\u201d She mused.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, it seems fitting as it is Christmas.\u201d I smiled down at her.<\/p>\n
Olivia drew in a deep breath. \u201cAre you really okay with all of this?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded. \u201cYeah. I just hate Christmas. It makes the urge to drink stronger, and sometimes I think I can\u2019t be strong enough to keep myself out of temptation.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia pursed her lips. \u201cIs there anything I can do?\u201d<\/p>\n
I shook my head. \u201cI\u2019ll be alright. I swear.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled lightly. \u201cI know you will. You\u2019re the strongest person I\u2019ve ever met. I know you can do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I shrugged. \u201cI don\u2019t know about that.\u201d I mused.<\/p>\n
Olivia laughed softly. \u201cYou know what I mean.\u201d She pushed herself up onto her toes and lightly kissed me.<\/p>\n
I smiled down at her, resting my forehead against hers. I closed my eyes tightly and sighed.<\/p>\n
I could feel Olivia watching me carefully, scrutinizing my behavior.<\/p>\n
\u201cIsaac.\u201d She said softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. Sorry.\u201d I mused, lifting my head and turning my attention out the window.<\/p>\n
Olivia frowned. \u2018Isaac, lets go downstairs for a bit, okay?\u201d She offered. \u201cWe can talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded. I knew I didn\u2019t really need to talk, but I was kind of glad to spend some time alone with Olivia.<\/p>\n
She slipped her hand into mine and led me downstairs.<\/p>\n
I felt like a kid being towed off to be given shit for something.<\/p>\n
I sat beside her on my bed, glad that none of my siblings or my parents had noticed that we\u2019d snuck downstairs.<\/p>\n
I sighed and laid down on my bed, resting my head against the pillows.<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled lightly, curling up at my side. She rested her head on my chest.<\/p>\n
I moved my arm around her.<\/p>\n
I half expected the both of us to fall asleep, but instead Olivia turned and rested her chin on my chest.<\/p>\n
She moistened her lips. \u201cYou know, your mom is worried about you. She asked me if you were okay.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sighed softly, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told her you were fine. I think she believes you. But she worries about you a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sighed. \u201cLiv, I think you\u2019re the only person on my side in this entire house. You\u2019re the only person who actually gets me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled lightly. \u201cI love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you too.\u201d I answered.<\/p>\n
The doorbell rang and I sighed heavily. \u201cThat sounds like family coming in.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia laughed sweetly. \u201cDon\u2019t get too excited.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not.\u201d I shrugged lightly.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it going to be the same people as last night?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded. \u201cI don\u2019t think there will be as many people, but a lot of it will be the same people who were here last night.\u201d I answered, lightly rubbing her back. \u201cMaybe we should hide down here. I\u2019ll move the dresser in front of the door and they\u2019ll never find us.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia laughed softly. \u201cI\u2019m sure that wouldn\u2019t last long.\u201d She insisted.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I think you\u2019re right about that.\u201d I mused.<\/p>\n
Olivia sat up suddenly and sighed, staring down at me. \u201cDo you miss it?\u201d She asked suddenly.<\/p>\n
\u201cMiss what?\u201d I asked, tucking one arm behind my head.<\/p>\n
Olivia picked up my other hand, playing with my fingers lightly. \u201cThe way things were before you started at PCA and stuff. You know\u2026 your old life. Your old friends and your old ways\u2026 do you miss partying and being with the people you used to hang out with?\u201d<\/p>\n
I drew in a deep breath. \u201cNo. But I don\u2019t think I regret the things I\u2019ve done. Because if I regretted all the horrible things I\u2019ve done and the damage I\u2019ve caused\u2026 I would have never met you. Granted, I did a lot of horrible things. And I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll ever forgive myself for what happened to Jessica because of me, but I think that out of all of that bad stuff and all the shitty things I\u2019ve done\u2026 well, there\u2019s been one good thing. And that\u2019s meeting you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled. \u201cAww, that\u2019s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.\u201d She smiled.<\/p>\n
I chuckled. \u201cIt \u2018s kind of a backward compliment, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut still, it\u2019s very, very sweet.\u201d She smiled.<\/p>\n
I paused, drawing in a deep breath. \u201cThe thing is, I was a different person back then. When I was on drugs I was constantly either up or down, and I was paranoid and constantly searching for that next fix. The next big high that was going to let me do whatever I wanted. I\u2019d sell drugs, I\u2019d sell my soul just for a hit of something. And it didn\u2019t matter what it was.\u201d I mused.<\/p>\n
Olivia pursed her lips. \u201cYou drank a lot?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you did drugs. Hard drugs?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded again. \u201cPot at first, but I graduated to snorting coke too. I\u2019ve smoked meth before, but it made me freak out. Same with mushrooms. Don\u2019t ever do mushrooms.\u201d I warned.<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled wryly. \u201cI don\u2019t plan on it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I chuckled softly. \u201cThe guy we met before, Jimmy. He\u2019s the one who got me into most of the heavier stuff. That guy will do anything. He\u2019ll drink bleach if he thinks it\u2019ll get him drunk or stoned.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you\u2019re right when you say that the person I was back then. I didn\u2019t know who I was. I\u2019m much more comfortable with who I am now. I feel like me again. And it\u2019s really nice to not be depending on drugs or alcohol for a good time. I have you for that.\u201d I smiled.<\/p>\n
Olivia returned my smile.<\/p>\n
I frowned suddenly. \u201cWhy are you asking these questions?\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia shrugged. \u201cNo reason. I was just curious. I care about you a lot, I\u2019d like to know everything about you, you know? Even the not so nice things\u2026 I think it helps me understand who you are as a person. Besides, as a person who has lived a very sheltered and probably far too privileged life, it\u2019s different to hear about a culture and a way of life that has been different than what I\u2019m accustomed to, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded. \u201cIt\u2019s not because you\u2019re worried I\u2019ll relapse and start partying again?\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia nodded. \u201cI trust you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was about to say that she probably shouldn\u2019t trust me because some days I could hardly trust myself.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, you really have nothing to worry about. I think with what happened with Jessica, I\u2019ve definitely learned my lesson. After that it was rehab, which was unbearable. I spent the first week detoxing and feeling like I was on fire and burning from the inside out. Coming off of drugs is like having the worst flu on the planet times ten. I mean your whole body screams in pain, you hallucinate, and the doctors and nurses won\u2019t give you anything for the pain or even put you out for most of it because they\u2019re weaning you off drugs\u2026\u201d I sighed. \u201cIt was hell. Prison was actually easier.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia pursed her lips. \u201cWhat was prison like? I mean, is it like the movies?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. But it\u2019s a lot\u2026 more dangerous. I mean, you don\u2019t even look at anyone else. There are corrections officers everywhere, and some times they\u2019re more malicious than the other inmates.\u201d<\/p>\n
Olivia smiled suddenly. \u201cI think we might need a distraction.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA distraction?\u201d I smirked. \u201cLike what?\u201d<\/p>\n
She leaned toward me and kissed me slowly. I sat up just enough to return her kisses. She swung one leg over and straddled my hips. I moved my hands up her hips and under her shirt. I quickly found her bra and unhooked it.<\/p>\n
She broke the kisses. \u201cIsaac!\u201d She scolded.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? Can\u2019t blame a guy for trying, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
She shook her head. \u201cIf we get caught, I\u2019m blaming it all on you.\u201d She warned.<\/p>\n